Rightway: Because Seven Eight Nine
by MrLRocks78
Summary: DUN DUN DUUUN! Rightway, the alter-ego of an alter-ego, has returned! But seeing as he now can talk, the other inhabitants of Dimension Bleck decide to teach him something sensible. Like maths. But will they succeed in their quest of craziness? And in the meantime, what will Rightway get up to when no-one's looking?
1. The Return of Rightway

_Author's Note: Well, seeing as Because Seven Eight Nine was winning in my poll, I decided to go to the moon with it and write it! I'm officially titling these stories as the Rightway series. Thanks, everypony, and check out my poll please! Oh yeah, R&R if ya don't mind._

You know those epic shots in movies when the main character stands up awesomely, silhouetted against the sunset, wind whipping through their hair?

Mr. L was doing something similar. The wind was certainly whipping, and he had to clamp his cap in his teeth to make sure it didn't fly away. His large wings were pinned down to his body, and his eyes were narrowed behind his mask.

Reaching out, L set down his green toolbox and set to work on Brobot's generator rod satellite thingy. Basically, it was the long rod thing that charged up Brobot. And it was broken.

Tearing the cap from his teeth and lying down on it, Mr. L began muttering as he unscrewed and adjusted and stuff. "Damn wind... good Grambi... can't cooperate... _ugh_..."

Alas, the engineer wasn't looking at the approaching blur. And so he had no idea what had just hit him as he slumped onto the tiles of the roof of Castle Bleck, unconscious.

* * *

The other inhabitants of Castle Bleck crowded around the unconscious Mr. L, all talking in low voices.

"How did he get hit?" asked Mimi.

"Me," admitted Bolt.

"You're such a damn KLUTZ!" snapped Xena.

"Well, so is O'Chunks!" piped up Dimentio.

"Why'd yeh have tah get involved?" demanded O'Chunks.

"For fun, I assume," butted in Raven.

"It's really rude to interrupt," scolded Nastasia.

"But didn't you just do so?" remarked Timpani.

"I'm hungry," muttered X.

"SILENCE, YELLED COUNT BLUMIERE!" yelled the said Count.

Everyone fell silent. Blumiere examined Mr. L closely, then poked him gently with his scepter.

Immediately, the engineer sat up. His face had a politely puzzled expression on it, and he turned to face the Count.

"Hi there!" he exclaimed.

At his words, there was a flash of green light, and a derpy-looking version of Mr. L was sitting in the engineer's place. He had ruffled, pure-white wings, wall-eyes, and his clothes on all the wrong way. The thing that everyone instantly noticed, however, was the L on the person's cap. It wasn't its usual reversed form, but it was just like Luigi's.

Rightway had risen again.


	2. Operation Rightway Mathematics

_Author's Note: HOLY HAY. SEVEN EFFIN' REVIEWS. I totally agree with the two Guest reviews. NEVER try to make sense of something that's nonsense, kids!  
_  
"Tuba wombat alphebatise tap dance!" chirped Rightway.

Everyone instinctively stepped back from the alter-ego-alter-ego. Bolt, Xena and X's jaws hit the ground.

"What the HECK happened to him?!" exclaimed Xena.

"What did I DOOOO?!" whined Bolt.

"Tuba say what now?" demanded X.

Count Blumiere face-palmed. "This happened before, groaned Count Blumiere."

"Dimentio's magic probably got stuck somehow in L's body," said Timpani thoughtfully.

Suddenly, Nastasia's head snapped up. "Hang on... It's because of Dimentio that L has wings, right?"

The others nodded.

"Then the wings are probably acting as some sort of 'magic magnet', if you will."

"Are you sayin' that we're gunna hafta chop off 'is wings?!" yelped O'Chunks.

"Nuuu! Wiiings!" whined Rightway.

Dimentio stared at him. "Can you... talk?"

Rightway folded his arms. "Oh, suuuuure! Go ahead and insult the oatmeal! I'll stay right here and OF COURSE I CAN!"

Mimi giggled. "Golly, he's even _cuter_!"

"You may now proceed to d'aw," said Rightway smugly.

"You're still cocky, I guess," remarked Raven.

Rightway stuck his tongue out, revealing an eleven-sided dice balanced on it. He then withdrew it, and began chewing. He swallowed, and smiled.

"Ew," said Xena.

Suddenly, Dimentio's eyes lit up. "HEY! I know!"

"What?" chorused the others.

"If Rightway can now talk, that must mean that he can understand logic!" exclaimed Dimentio, beginning to furiously mid-air pace. "So that means... we can teach him something SENSIBLE!"

"Like whut?" said O'Chunks.

Xena's brow furrowed, then she grinned. "I know! How 'bout maths?"

"L never liked maths anyways," said Bolt.

"He never _knew _maths," remarked Raven.

"I think it's a perfect idea!" grinned Timpani.

"He'd look sooooo cute in a maths professor thingy suit!" gushed Mimi.

"That's settled, then," said the Count. "Operation Rightway Mathematics is now underway!"


	3. The Early Stages

_Author's Note: Here's another chapter of the newest installment in the Rightway series!_

"Now," said the Count, "do you have even an inkling of what maths involves?"

"Robot-building?" asked Rightway happily. "OH! And a platypus called Mickey!"

The Count scratched his head, then nodded. "Yehah. Exactly."

Blumiere turned to face the blackboard behind him. Picking up the chalk, he wrote on the board "Addition".

"Addition," explained the monocle-wearing man, "is when you have two numbers and you put them together, making a bigger number. Right?"

"I dunno!" said Rightway brightly.

"Well, I'm right, okay?" said Blumiere. "So, if I have _one _hand, and I have another hand, how many hands do I have?"

"Curly pasta!" screamed Rightway, before clutching at his hair and clucking like a chicken.

Blumiere face-palmed. This was going to be hard as all heck.

* * *

Raven kicked back in her chair. She was sipping an ice-cold tomato juice smoothie.

"How d'you think the Count's goin' wif' Rightway?" asked O'Chunks.

"Probably broke his monocle already," replied Raven.

"How could anyone hate that guy?" cooed Mimi. "He's CUUUUUTE!"

"Yes, but she is also aggravating beyond belief," said Dimentio smoothly.

"Shaddup Dim, no-one likes you," said Raven, hurling her empty glass at the jester.

* * *

"Okay," panted Blumiere. "Maybe we should tackle addition again."

Rightway responded by leaping into the air, doing a pirouette and landing on his head before rugby-tackling his chair.

Blumiere groaned. "Okay. Mathematics. Um. I have one finger."

Rightway nodded.

"I have another finger."

Another nod.

"There is one finger and one finger. So... can you count them for me?"

"Fifty-five, eighty-seven!" chirped Rightway, pointing at the ceiling then the floor.

"NO." Blumiere groaned again. "Oh dear Grambi help me..."


	4. Dun Cry, Rightway!

_Author's Note: Last chapter was short. Please dun kill meh._

"Need any help in there?" asked Timpani sympathetically.

"No, my love," sighed Blumiere. "I would rather you be spared the horror of trying to teach Rightway mathematics."

"I'm sure I could handle - "

BOOM.

The two whirled around. "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!" demanded Blumiere.

Timpani began running. "I'll go check it out!"

Mid-run, Timpani shimmered in a rainbow hue, and emerged as a butterfly Pixl. She zipped off towards the source of the noise, which was coming from the pantry. She flew under the gap beneath the door and gasped at the sight that greeted her.

Rightway, Mimi and O'Chunks were all covered in flour, sprawled out on the floor. Rightway was beaming widely, Mimi looked as if she was about to explode, and O'Chunks? Well, O'Chunks was unconscious.

"What in the name of King Louie the XIIV's colourful, patented underwear is going on here?!" demanded the Pixl, turning back into a human.

"Rightway..." hissed Mimi through gritted teeth, "...was HUNGRY."

Then, her neck began cracking, legs sprouted out of her body, and she was hoisted into the air as a spider-like monster.

"AND THAT STUPID DUMMY-FACE DECIDED TO GET MY NEW DRESS ALL MESSED UP!" screeched Mimi, in a horribly distorted version of her voice.

"Lass, calm down! We c'n fix this!" yelped O'Chunks, scrambling away. Rightway, however, was content to pick up the empty flour bag and put it in his mouth and CHEW it.

"Ladybug?"

At this, Mimi lost it. She dove with a shriek at Rightway, who giggled and was hoisted into the air with a spider-like leg.

"I've HAD IT WITH YOU!" screamed Mimi. "You may be CUTE, you may be RANDOM, but when you mess with my DRESS, you enter a world of PAIN! Especially made FOR DUMMY-HEADS LIKE YOU!"

Rightway, at this outburst, began to cry. No, bawl. Well, anyway, it's time for another My Little Pony comparision. Take Pinkie Pie, from the second episode ever aired. When she cried, it was like FOUNTAINS were coming outta her eyes. This was exactly what Rightway did.

Mimi immediately poofed back into herself in a cloud of purple smoke. She gently put Rightway down (how she was still holding him up is beyond me) and backed away awkwardly.

Rightway continued to scream and cry, causing Timpani to actually yank hair straight outta her scalp. She took a few deep breaths, then went over to Rightway and bent down, letting a consoling arm fall across his shoulders.

"It's okay," she muttered in a monotone voice. "Let it ALL out..."

After fifteen minutes of bawling, Rightway suddenly brightened and became all chippy and chirpy and happy and dappy all over again. He chirped out a few random maths equations (algebra, man, algebra!) before spinning on his head and disappearing at the tolling of an invisible bell.

Timpani groaned before turning to the door. "Let's get this mess cleaned up..."


	5. Rightway da Vinci

_Author's Note: PLEASE DUN KILL MEH 4 MAKIN RIGHTWAY CRYYY!11!1!_

Rightway trotted into Blumiere's office through the wall. Literally. He passed through it like a ghost, on all fours too. Not that he knew what four or two was.

"Welcome back, Rightway," said Blumiere grimly. "I thought we'd go on to something different. Like, ah, subtraction. Now, do you know what subtraction is?"

Rightway flipped upside-down in the air, then bucked at thin air like Applejack before imitating a squirrel.

"I thought you'd say something like that," muttered Blumiere, turning to the blackboard and picking up his chalk. "Now, to get us started..."

Blumiere cleared his throat before continuing, clearly playing for time. "Subtraction is... ugh, how am I going to put this... _taking things away_. Like, um, making them disappear! Poof."

"Bingle boggle?"

"Yes, indeed," said Blumiere, completely ignoring the alter-ego he was supposed to be teaching. "Now..."

He waved his scepter around, a trail of sparkling blue magic trailing behind its tip. The magic congregated to form a piece of paper, which he handed to Rightway.

"I'd like you to fill this sheet out, just so I can get an idea of what you know," explained Blumiere. "Here, take this."

The Count handed Rightway a pencil. He stuck it in his eye as reply. Blumiere face-palmed, then peered out at the other through his fingers. The pencil was still lodged in his eye. Rightway smiled. Blumiere shuddered at the nauseating sight of a pencil embedded in someone's wide-open eye.

Rightway took out the pencil and began writing. Blumiere sighed in relief. Maybe he was learning...?

Blumiere walked behind Rightway and peered over his shoulder, before yelling in shock and fear and stumbling backwards, wide-eyed, shoulders shaking. He raised a trembling finger. "R-Rightway... WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!"

The alter-ego looked innocently up at his teacher, then held it out. "It's a head, mummy!"

It wasn't a head. It was a SKULL. A really, really, REALLY scary skull. Blood dripping from its gouged-out eyes, teeth bared in a terrifying grimace, flaring nostrils. Blumiere gulped and prised the paper gently from Rightway's hands.

Then he tore it into confetti.

* * *

"You serious?" exclaimed Raven, sipping her smoothie. Timpani nodded frantically.

"Coooool..." Raven's voice trailed off wistfully. "Man, I wish I could draw like that!"

Timpani cringed. "Raven, you don't understand! It was... HORRIBLE! Like, like it was REAL, popping straight out of the page at him, and - "

"Like in 3D?" asked Raven.

Timpani groaned exasperatedly, then grabbed the forest girl's shoulders before shaking her ferociously, causing Raven to lose her grip on her smoothie. The contents skidded across the floor, and Raven cried out.

"Hey! I was drinking that!"

Timpani immediately stepped back, her hands covering her mouth in horror. "I'm so sorry, Raven, I didn't mean - I mean, it was just so scary, and - well, it was an accident - let me just - "

Raven stopped Timpani with a hand. "S'okay, Timps. I'll clean this up lickety-split. You just go to Rightway and, um, y'know. Continue on your hopeless mission."

Timpani sighed and smiled before replying. "I'm starting to think it _is_ hopeless."


	6. Operation Solution to Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Have had writer's block. So like yeah._

"Maybe you should try a new approach?"

"Like what?"

"Physical Education, maybe? Or sport?"

"Maths isn't getting through to him, at any rate..."

Count Blumiere sighed. He and Timpani were sitting on their bed, back to back, each gazing up at the ceiling. The Count-slash-Lord sighed again and slumped forwards.

"Oh, Timpani, what in Grambi's name are we going to do with this crazy alter-ego? I mean, we've tried to teach him simple maths, and THAT isn't getting through to him at any rate..."

"Maybe art lessons?" suggested Timpani hopefully. "He is quite the drawer."

"Does that infer that L is... well, the complete opposite of that?" came a cheery voice.

Dimentio suddenly shimmered into visibility. Blumiere simply sighed and turned away from the jester.

"I am not in the mood, Dimentio..." groaned the Count-slash-Lord.

"Sorry Dimentio," whispered Timpani, tactfully keeping her voice down and ushering the jester to the door. "Blumiere's going through a tough time with Rightway at the moment..."

Dimentio shook his head with a beam on his face. "Well, maybe I can be of some assistance?"

* * *

"How long have they been at this again?" asked Raven bemusedly.

"I really have no idea," murmured Nastasia, facepalming. "I swear, when L finally gets back to normal..."

"I'm gonna stick this Rubee where the sun doesn't shine, that meanie-head!" snapped Mimi.

The trio of girls watched on as Rightway bounced happily on O'Chunks. No, I mean, like, literally. Bounced. O'Chunks himself was not amused, with folded arms and a really ticked off expression on his face. Rightway was jumping on O'Chunks, one foot after the other. He seemed to be having a great time, that's for sure.

"I'm hungry," muttered Raven, turning away and heading for the pantry. "Call me when L's sane again."

Nastasia and Mimi watched the forest girl disappear, then sighed as one. As if on cue, Dimentio teleported into the room, bowing, a heavy wrench shimmering with purple and yellow waves of magic clutched in one hand.

"Master of dimensions, pleaser of crowds, I am - "

"An idiot!" called Raven from the next room.

Nastasia folded her arms and tapped a foot on the ground impatiently. "Right, Dimentio, we're gonna give you five seconds to tell us what the heck you're doing OR you can buzz off. K?"

"K," replied the jester smoothly, holding up the wrench. "See this, my dears?"

The girls nodded.

"Well, we shall simply solve this problem the way we did it before," explained Dimentio, holding up the wrench and spinning it. "Like a cougar stalking its evening meal, I shall - and forgive me for lack of a better word - bash my friend across his head, he shall wake up his old self - maybe with the odd bruise here and there - and nobody shall be any the wiser!"

Nastasia was about to reply when Mimi butted in. "That sounds great! I don't CARE if Rightway's a total derpy cutie-pie, I've HAD it with him!"

"I guess you could, um, say the same about me," admitted Nastasia.

Dimentio twirled around in midair and clapped his hands in glee. "Perfect! Now please excuse me as I get the, ah, _patient_..."

"Eh, yer gunna have a hard time doin' 'at," piped up O'Chunks gruffly.

"Oh?" said Dimentio, turning around and raising an eyebrow. "And why's that?"

Jabbing a thumb towards the outside world, O'Chunks replied, "Cuz he jes' flew outta the window, 'at's why."


	7. NOW They're Getting Somewhere!

_Author's Note: *big gasp* Okay-everyone-now-I-have-a-completely-good-and-valid-and-acceptable-reason-for-not-updating-lately-and-that's-because-I-have-had-the-horror-of-what-we-fanfictioners-and-pretty-much-anyone-related-in-some-way-to-fanfiction-will-understand-that-I-have-had-the-dreaded-hiatus-so-yeah!  
_  
Mario handed over a small sack filled with coins and smiled at the shopkeeper as he took his purchased products. "Thanks a lot, Phil!"

The Goomba nodded. "No prob, Mario. If you ever need anything else - "

"Call you," finished Mario, grinning as he turned to leave. "I got it!"

However, the hero had barely started walking when something feathery, green and black collided with him.

"Wha... Mr. L!" exclaimed Mario crossly, gesturing at all his dropped items. "I swear, I try repaying Luigi back for all the shopping he's done, and then his alter-ego literally SLAMS into me! What the heck's wrong with you?!"

"Tuba wombat alphebatise tap dance!"

"I mean, I don't see why you can't just at least PRETEND to TRY to control yourself when fly- what did you say?"

"Whippersnapper ninety-nine!" sang L... or at least what Mario assumed to be the engineer. Taking a closer look, he saw that the man's clothes were all on the wrong way, his wings were white, and...

"Is that... your cap?" asked Mario, pointing at the headwear tied round the other's neck.

"Kinky hootnanny!" screamed the derpy Mr-L-yet-not-Mr-L. Then, he leapt to his feet, did a perfect pirouette, touched his toes with his hands, then turned into a water bucket filled with raspberry jam.

Mario's eyes widened in shock. He didn't know just what to do or say, so he settled for scrambling to his feet and discarding the Fire Flower and Shroom Shake still clutched in his hands. Approaching the bucket slowly, the red clad plumber hero was granted a shock when, in a burst of amaranth flames, that derpy Mr. L appeared once more, smiling innocently.

Shaking, somewhat unnerved, even though by all standards he should have been in peals of racaous laughter, Mario stepped back warily. Then, he whirled around, and completely regarding his dignity or reputation or shopping, bolted.

* * *

"I swear, when this fanfic ends, Shade is gonna be in for a beating alright..." murmured Dimentio.

Mimi and O'Chunks turned around, both with confused looks on their faces.

"Whudja say, Dimen'io?" asked O'Chunks.

"Ah... nothing," said the jester hurriedly.

Mimi blew a pigtail out of her face huffily. "Where in the worlds could Rightway be?!"

"Yeh can't use some crazy magic 't track 'im, ey, Dim?" O'Chunks seemed to be desperate. Though, admittedly, they all were starting to get so.

The jester shook his head. "I cannot. I have tried valiantly, like a knight beating down an unconquerable enemy with his shield, but the magic surrounding Rightway is far too chaotic to be considered trackable. If that is even a word."

O'Chunks looked around, sighing furiously. If he had hair on his head, he would have run a hand through said nonexistant hair. Seeing as he didn't, he cracked his knuckles instead.

That was about the time Mario bolted past.

"Wha... Mario?"

"Whussat Maria?!"

"Mario!" called Dimentio. "Could you backtrack for a bit?"

A slightly wild look in his sapphire eyes, Mario turned and walked shakily towards the three minions. "Y-yeah...?"

"What's with the cuckoo look, silly?" giggled Mimi.

"It... it's Mr L... I dunno what's wrong with him but-"

"He looks like something ripped out of Shade's overractive imagination?" supplied Dimentio dully.

Mario nodded frantically. "That sums it up."

Dimentio smirked and drew his wrench, spinning it before letting a few sparks explode. "Where did you last see him?"


End file.
